roat feeling and it can also be scary and frightening. It captures raw emotion - threading and weaving feelings and thoughts into something thought provoking. I only hope I've done my emotions and the emotions of others justice.

Thoughts are the problem these days, I think. There are too many of them out there, too many bad thoughts and not enough of the good ones. I never wanted to write my personal accounts of tragedy; never wanted to acknowledge something this terrible could happen in my own city, to my own network of people. I'm not the first, nor will I be the last person to express my thoughts or views on what happened..and I don't mean to step on any toes. It's just something that has been haunting me as it's been haunting those affected.

I remember sitting on a couch, with a puppy sprawled in my lap. I was listening to the news, only to hear that "moments ago, a truck crashed through a restaurant in Maple Ridge." I don't know why, but when anything bad happens, I instantly think of my Mom. Perhaps it's because I received a phone call years ago telling me to "Please come to the hospital. Your Mom's in Emergency." Words no one should have to hear - about any member of their family, or a friend.

I called Kiley, knowing Sharon was out. I called Travis, knowing he was out too. The woman I was house sitting for works at Royal Columbian in Emergency..and she tended to those brought there, something I'd find out days later. I didn't hear much more about it until the next morning when I found out a friend's mother had been killed.

I lost it. I'm not terribly close to her, but knowing that she lost something so dear broke my heart. I didn't want to even think that I might know or live with anyone who knew the other victim, nor did I want to think I knew and had talked to the boy and girl hit by the truck as well. I eventually stumbled across Maija-Liisa's name, and after being comforted by Kiley and her Mom, I bore the bad news. It felt surreal, to go from mourning the loss of a friend's parent (a woman I had never met) to telling my own surrogate family that a girl they had watched grow up was also killed. We cried in our living room, trying to make sense of what our world has come to. Between wars and drugs, drive-by's and freak accidents, we didn't need to know two innocent lives had been taken for what appears to be no reason. Lives of those present, those hurt, those who witnessed the tragedy - they will forever be affected. Our entire community has been affected, because well..I'm almost positive everyone here has either eaten in, driven by or stopped in a store next to Halu sushi. The owners themselves are kind, warm-hearted people..people I shared laughs with when Malcolm and I used to eat there after school.

I don't think I was thinking straight when I asked Kailey if it was Maija-Liisa, only to be told that it was her little brother Joel, and her little sister Juanita who had been pinned and struck by the truck as well. That's four people out of however many were there that I knew or knew of through a variety of connections. Four people that could have just as easily been three blocks down at another store, or at home or across the street. Four people that could have been anyone else that I know, including myself considering I often frequent Halu when I'm by myself.

I know it's almost selfish to cry, when there's no way I can possibly understand the grief for Maija-Liisa's friends and family, nor can I understand the grief Jessica is going through after losing her mom, and I can't even truly comprehend how Kailey's family is feeling either but I do sympathize and feel sincerely at a loss. I remember hospitals, I remember that kick to the stomach when you realize you've lost something you treasure beyond measure. I understand loss, through my Mom's accident and through the death of an old friend years ago as well as a recent passing in my surrogate family. But loss is never easy, never the same no matter how similiar the event.

The littlest things have set me to tears this weekend - each time I watch the news or hear something, or see a picture or a comment concerning the tragedy, tears fall. I only wish that something would have stopped Brian Irving from destroying the lives of two very special women, and causing damage to two other very special children, as well as emotional damage to those present.

I couldn't even stand to see the memorial. At one in the morning, I gathered enough courage to go with Kiley and Chelsea. I don't think I even took two steps before I lost control and started sobbing. That might seen odd, might seem rude; but this has affected me in ways I can't explain. My nature is to comfort and this, well this just shredded my heart to pieces. I held onto my sweater, watching the candles flicker and Jessica, Dianna and another girl who I didn't see clearly watching the three of us, on the other side, unable to approach.

We were grieving for you, Jess. For your mother. For Maija-Liisa. For Joel and Juanita. For anyone who has ever felt loss, in one way or another. For the loss of sanity in our world, where two people who were enjoying their lives lost theirs for no fault of their own.

The memorial is beautiful. I'm so happy that our community has rallied together to prove that these women will never be forgotten. I know they feel us, I know they sense our grief - the double rainbow proves it. Even writing this, I have tears rolling down my cheeks. Their deaths were unplanned, unwarranted but I believe that they will rest happily, knowing that they can continue to shine down on their loved ones.

As for Joel, and Juanita, I believe strongly that they will overcome this and find a way to prove that a mother and a young woman didn't lose their lives in vain. I think they saved them, because both of those women were known to be so kind, so loving, so full of life.

Maple Ridge, we must stay together and help these families grieve their losses. We have to pay tribute to memories, to lives and to the love these women had for others. It's gone in an instant, something we all learned that awful day.


I just want to know that there's some good left in world...